Autumn (in combination with the hormonal cycle) is wreaking its havoc on my mood again. Things that aren’t usually affecting me – feel like the end of the world.
Taking a deep breath – pausing – and doing something concrete and positive instead.
I’m not good at that.
Not good at disconnecting from it.
I have a mental list of projects, but those are forgotten in the lethargy of it all.
I made this yummy sweet potato and carrot soup for dinner last Monday – and ate it throughout the week. 4 servings when you live alone… it’s either eat it until you’re sick of it – or have a decent-sized freezer.
Eh… enough at being a grown-up for today:
For a long period, I haven’t done much royal blogging, but I thought I would share what I’m reading/recently have read with you.
I’ve recently finished the new biography on Prince Charles by Sally Bedell Smith. I liked that it feels balanced – Prince Charles isn’t perfect, but he is also not as monstrous as he has been portrayed in the press about certain things. It’s not the best biography I’ve read, but it isn’t the worst either.
The next step is to start on the biography of the Duchess of Cornwall by Penny Junor. Has anyone read it?
Some books are books I just zip through, whereas other take a bit more time. I have been working my way through Queen Anne: the politics of passion for a couple of years now. It’s really a bit more interesting than it sounds like (given the reading speed), as it’s an era of royalty that I wasn’t hugely familiar with. But it is mostly me reading a chapter or two and then being satisfied with that for a while.
I’ve never really had a fear of dentists. As a kid I used to love going to them – and even having a cavity filled in 9th grade wasn’t much of a deterrent. And yet I’m slightly anxious every time I go to the dentist now – after my burnout/anxiety/depression hit fully.
Not because it is the dentist, but because I never know when panic attack symptoms will hit (it typically does when I’m in situations where I feel stuck, so dentist, taking blood tests, getting my eyesight checked, massage therapist, gynaecologist…)
Granted, I’m much better these days. But my mind is also bringing back that time in Denmark, when I had my wisdom tooth out, and the adrenaline rush from the pain reliever was enough to give me a similar feeling, so I’m not looking forward to this… really.
(Doesn’t help that the other wisdom tooth is just lying in wait…)
When the PCOS-cycled depression hits when I’m already feeling low from a cold… Yes, Brain, I want to analyse every little detail from today. Especially the ones that make me doubt everything I did. Sure, that’s fun.
Ever notice that magically when you’re in that headspace, you forget everything you did that was actually good? And I did good stuff today, I did.
Le sigh. I’ll be just burrowing down with the latest biography on Prince Charles, and avoiding my own mind.
Sometimes I want a partner. Someone to lean into and hug. Trade quips with. Sit on the couch with and watch tv-shows, snarking together. And basically be an old married couple.
And then comes the time when I don’t really have the energy to find said partner. And figure I’m doing alright enough as single.
But basically what I want is some magical formula that lets me be in a long comfortable relationship, without having to go through the stress of dating a ton of guys first.
