aches, pains and all, and wonder what is wrong with me. I check the calendar – and it is hormones cycling around like crazy. And a time I generally try to stay as zen as possible because any major issues can throw it all out of balance.
But:
Real life is full of stress.
And at this particular time also nice things add to the stress and hormones and depression and anxiety.
Also, sniffles.
One of the triggers for my health issues, is, surprise – surprise, stressful situations or situations that send my mind into overdrive and I stress about. Mostly this is at certain points during the hormonal cycle, where everything seems more stressful and energy-sapping than usual. And my skin feels thinner and I take everything more personally than other people might.
Because I have a particular hormonal disorder, I cannot necessarily know in advance when the physical impact will hit the hardest.
It is also very difficult to plan stressful situations.
It can be everything from an email I read, to a particular situation, to just basically existing and having to go somewhere. Or having to leave the bed on particular bad days.
Fortunately the bad days have become quite far between, but they’re still here. Often enough to remind me that I should not take on too much. Often enough to keep me looking for a different job, a different house, a different life at times. And yet, I am happy. I am satisfied. I just bloody wish I had all the energy to trudge ahead and not let the stressful situations get to me so much.
I think my goal for 2018 is going to be cutting food/drink from my diet that has unexpected, unecessarily added sugar/sweetener.
I’m not going to radically stop eating sweets, but I find it incredible to see sugar listed twice on the ingredients of a frozen pizza, for example. If I eat a chocolate or a piece of cake, I have made a choice to eat sugar. If I eat frozen pizza, I generally am looking for a quick meal – not a dessert…
I’m going to have to try to make mayo from scratch, since that has sugar in it. And look at the ingredients on the sliced meats I buy at the store. I found a brand of liver pate that doesn’t have sugar in it – and it really felt like half the battle was won there in terms of breakfast.
If
Eh… enough at being a grown-up for today:
I’ve never really had a fear of dentists. As a kid I used to love going to them – and even having a cavity filled in 9th grade wasn’t much of a deterrent. And yet I’m slightly anxious every time I go to the dentist now – after my burnout/anxiety/depression hit fully.
Not because it is the dentist, but because I never know when panic attack symptoms will hit (it typically does when I’m in situations where I feel stuck, so dentist, taking blood tests, getting my eyesight checked, massage therapist, gynaecologist…)
Granted, I’m much better these days. But my mind is also bringing back that time in Denmark, when I had my wisdom tooth out, and the adrenaline rush from the pain reliever was enough to give me a similar feeling, so I’m not looking forward to this… really.
(Doesn’t help that the other wisdom tooth is just lying in wait…)
When the PCOS-cycled depression hits when I’m already feeling low from a cold… Yes, Brain, I want to analyse every little detail from today. Especially the ones that make me doubt everything I did. Sure, that’s fun.
Ever notice that magically when you’re in that headspace, you forget everything you did that was actually good? And I did good stuff today, I did.
Le sigh. I’ll be just burrowing down with the latest biography on Prince Charles, and avoiding my own mind.
Sometimes I want a partner. Someone to lean into and hug. Trade quips with. Sit on the couch with and watch tv-shows, snarking together. And basically be an old married couple.
And then comes the time when I don’t really have the energy to find said partner. And figure I’m doing alright enough as single.
But basically what I want is some magical formula that lets me be in a long comfortable relationship, without having to go through the stress of dating a ton of guys first.
Every now and again, I go through phases where I’m bored with what I have in my Tumblr or my Feedly – in terms of reading. I then proceed to add stuff.
And then there are times like now, where I am busy at work (seriously, added two hours to my flex. time account today.) and am running about like crazy. When I come home now, I want to check those sites. But I don’t want to wade through a lot of posts that I don’t need.
So I delete feeds and unfollow tumblrs.
How did the Christmas break pass by so quickly?