I have really been neglecting LJ. Of course, you shouldn’t feel too bad, I have been neglecting almost any social media/where I have to do stuff for the past couple of years (Facebook updating is scarce as well.) . From time to time, I get energy and try to blog – which sometimes work and sometimes doesn’t. My Tumblr gets updated, but really, that’s mostly reblogging things.
And then it turns out that the PCOS I had diagnosed a while ago is also responsible for the lack of energy, the dizziness, etc. that I have been plagued with for (at least) the last year and half, leading my doctor to give me a diagnosis of hormonal/pre-menstrual depression. (Ie. when I am at certain points in my cycle… I get depressed and since PCOS gives me a wacky cycle… those periods can last for a while and… lack of energy, lack of wanting to make an effort for social life… and so on. Let’s also throw in minor panic attacks and anxiety in those times, shall we?
Now we know what we’re dealing with, it is also easier to deal with, (at times) and I’ll get myself some (hopefully) nifty medication to work with the hormones, and therapy to try to work out the rest of the issues.
So, depression is probably the main reason for the lack of energy at times – tiredness despire. And anxiety/minor panic attacks are also in the picture.
But I also kind of figure that I have always been the type of person whose interest in things go in cycles. That’s maybe also why I didn’t recognize this so soon, I was just clearly sometimes in periods where reading books in my bed is the best thing ever. And periods when cooking is fun. And periods when being social is fun. And… well, you get the gist.
Even when I was in Oslo and teaching there, I had cycles of interests. Going out and meeting people, going to museums, traveling, as well as staying in and reading and playing games.
I also had at least a couple of panic attacks/hits of the depression that I know of, (as well as some minor incidents) – both occured in times of stress. In one case, I had to talk to the person I was with at the time of the panic attack a couple of months later, and I could feel the symptoms come back just as I dialled her number. (She is perfectly lovely, and the symptoms receeded as soon as we actually started talking)
Of course, it doesn’t help now that work is emotionally stressing (down-sizing everywhere, but us, it seems.).
It helps to realize that a lot of the times the symptoms I have, receede after a while.
Sometimes eating helps – I figure the bloodsugar or gastric issues or comfort or something.
Sometimes it also helps to give myself an out before I start – and then I end up actually finishing it because I know I can leave if I don’t feel well. Especially if I am planning on being social, but also watching a movie.
(Birthday party this weekend, I told the mother of the host about it all and said I might have to leave as I wasn’t feeling well. Eating a bit, and generally socializing and I stayed throughout the whole party.)
(Swimming plans with the sister today. Felt shitty as the time came closer, but decided to drive her to the pool anyway. Once we were there, I told her to go in, and said I would walk around the pond. Two minutes later, I decided that “I’m at least going to swim back and forth in the pool once.” We swam for 20 minutes. Which isn’t a lot, but I haven’t worked out for ages, because I tend to overwork myself, which makes my body stressed, leading to another attack of fatigue… vicious cycle. I was shaking as I sat in the car outside the pool afterwards, and getting home felt really good. 10 minutes after getting home, a glass of lemonade, my muscles were tired, but no longer feeling like hell.)
Very long story. And I’m sure to come back with more. Writing things down is also supposed to help.