So, back in January I had a health episode of sorts that lead to me being off work (to a certain degree) for three weeks. The issues remained throughout the year, to a smaller/larger degree. I did lots of stuff to try to sort out what it might be, beyond the initial diagnosis, my doctor suggested it might also be Sinusitis, which I got antibiotics for. Then there was – physical therapist for my neck (tight muscles in neck might be affecting blood flow to brain, might be cause of it?), checking out my prescription for my glasses, talking to a psychologist… who concluded that I possibly wasn’t being challenged enough in my job and I should look further.
Apparently I’m a high achiever, who isn’t being challenged enough at my current job.
So I applied and got the gig at the university college in Oslo where I will be teaching wee potential librarians for the next semester.
(Fittingly, this time period is also when one of my favourite co-workers will be off on Daddy leave, so we’ve managed to coordinate our departures
(I still have my job to come back to, though.)
But an episode again this week have me down in the dumps again and feeling like I’ve regressed somewhat.
(they seem to be tied in with my menstrual cycle, leading to a week of feeling stressed/depressed/anxiety the week before the period arrives. *the world is ending in 50 years because we’re too many people on this planet, we’re all going to die, what is the point of anything*- type angst. Fortunately the PCOS, which also may be part of the whole depression/angsty thing, leads to longer time between periods. Just understanding that they’re tied together makes me feel better about the whole thing, because then I can block time when the expected period might be and try not to stress out about anything then, and never read the news.)
The sinusitis also seem to have arrived back partly with sinus headache for the first part of the week. I “cured” that, by reading sad books, bawling my eyes out, which also loosened up the nasal passages to the point where I could blow my nose and was markedly improved the next day. Plus, a good cry never hurts.
I also have the realisation that while I do enjoy my job, like my company and I love working with the people I work the closest to – I only see some of them physically once-twice a year, and (in the long run) that might not be enough to sustain my drive in the slower periods of my job. In the busier periods of my job, I love it. It is an amazing job to have. In the slower periods, I miss the direct patron contact that I got in the public library service.
Of course, it doesn’t help that we’re facing the Ghost of Outsourcing and cost-cutting so we don’t know if there will be a library next year or not.
(I’m sitting in an office area with the other team in my department, but my team is divided between four different locations.)
I was at a Girl Geek Dinner last night, at the local newspaper, and as the web manager, the advertisement manager, the journalist (talked about research driven writing), were talking, I could feel that itch in my fingers again. (Might have been the Coke I drank to avoid an anxiety attack, though) To be a reference librarian. And when I got my current job, I was very happy not to be in the fiction section of the public library – so it seems there is really no pleasing me job-wise.
Gah, so many thoughts, so little time.
And of course it could all well be winter depression setting in.