Acceptance

I am better. I am. I don’t get as fatigued as easily – it takes a lot more to push me to that point now than it did in February. Of course, I am also incredibly tired of the whole thing – and yet I know it is nothing compared to other people.

But I am also better at handling it, I think. I still go out to events that I am invited to – but I may leave earlier when I reach my limit. Just getting out there feels like a huge triumph.

I am also trying to factor in that if I attend big events (lots of people, lots of things happening.) I should not be making plans to do a lot of stuff the day afterwards. It is okay to lie in bed the whole day after I have been social and out and about. And anything beyond that – is a bonus.

A month or two ago, I had a very full week. There was a birthday celebration, a national day celebration, an overnight trip with work, and Eurovision parties. By the time the Friday came around, I was knackered. And a trip to drive to Bergen to a friend’s Eurovision party was deemed too much.

And on the Saturday, I was very low key, yet the Sunday saw me in bed. All day.

I am trying to learn to listen to my body – but not listen too much. Accept that aches and pains are there, and then push it a bit to the side and deal with it later. But at the same time, I feel the need to push a bit.

To do fun things.

To see fun people.

Of course, it also means that when I plan a holiday for later in August, I am trying to factor in *when* will the fatigue hit – when will the depression hit. And the solution is actually at the moment to plan that I will likely end up spending some time in bed during the day while on holiday – and then not fill up the days by set appointments. And book an apartment hotel, so I can buy food for the refrigerator and not *have* to venture out everytime I get hungry – but adapt to the situation.

Accepting it.

Burnout: week 1

One week of staying home from work. Honestly, it does not feel like it. It feels like I was at work yesterday.

One reason for that is that the majority of the days go by quickly without feeling like I do much of anything. I  sleep a lot, and it takes me a long time to get started in the mornings. I read a bit. I watch a bit of the cross country ski world championships. I knit a bit.

I have reblogged a lot over at Tumblr. Not that that really says anything about how much energy I have. Basically, it requires about as much concentration that I have.

When a trip down into the basement feels like a long hike. When a trip to the kitchen feels like a long hike… I think that not going on my work trip this week was a smart decision.

I said to my sister as she came home from work today that my head feels less foggy today than it has done in a long time. It does. But at the same time, there are also huge variations in how I am feeling just within an hour, so I am also expecting that to go back and forth over the coming weeks…

Burned out

On Thursday, I went to my doctor. (We have been having bi-weekly appointments since November/December.)

Back in September the theory was that various physical ailments that have popped up since January 2013 (at least) were depression and anxiety related. (Dizziness, nausea, headaches, tiredness, feeling down, etc.) So I have been having sessions with my GP for that.

But after listening to me on Thursday, she said: “I think you might be burned out. And the anxiety and the depression are really symptoms of that, and not the main cause of the other symptoms which also come in burn out mode.”

There was a theory on why it has lasted so long, and have gone in waves on how strong it has been – basically it has been building in strength until I hit the top of a wave, and then it crashes and I am forced to take time out. This time we are sort of hoping that we have caught it before a major crash, and just a minor one in the aftermath of the flu two weeks ago.

I am therefore on sick leave until our next appointment in three weeks, with a strong admission to not do any work. I disconnected my work email from my phone.

A planned work trip next week got cancelled – which felt like such a huge relief (not have to wonder whether I would have the energy to be around co-workers and be “on”.) that, while I initially wondered about the doctor’s decision, it made up my mind that it was the right one.

For the next three weeks, it will be a matter of first relaxing completely, and then gradually try to fill the energy back up with activities that I enjoy. And then we will evaluate where I am and what we need to do to stop it from happening again.

 

Review: 10% Happier

10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works--A True StoryI can’t remember where I first saw the review for this, and when I picked it up, though I know it is recent, and I might have seen it on one of the many book blogs I skim through Feedly. (Amazon tells me I bought it 9 days ago.)

I’d like to say I picked it up because of the catchy first part of the title, but I think it might be the “reducing stress” part of the title that caught my eye first. Though I certainly wouldn’t mind being 10% happier either.

The book is 10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works–A True Story by Dan Harris

Continue reading “Review: 10% Happier”

Crown Princess Mette-Marit’s history of ailments

Crown Princess Mette-Marit had her surgery yesterday, and, according to reports, came through all right.. She will have a few days of recuperation at the hospital, and then some re-training at home.

It is just the latest in the line of unfortunate ailments for the Norwegian Crown Princess. Ever since the marriage in 2001, there have been incidents and cases where she either has been ill, or just plain unfortunate,  have ended up on sick leave, or similar.

For a lot of the incidents, it is something that could happen to anyone of us – and most likely do. It just becomes so very visible when it is the Crown Princess, and she has to cancel stuff.

Below are some of them. I highly suspect there are much more. Some which she may have worked through, and some that have gone fairly unnoticed because a light schedule.

Continue reading “Crown Princess Mette-Marit’s history of ailments”

Mette-Marit to have surgery

On October 8, the Norwegian royal court announced that the neck prolapse of Crown Princess Mette-Marit had returned, and that the Crown Princess was on sick leave for two weeks.  On October 21, they announced that the leave had been expanded 6-8 weeks, as she was not better.

She is still not better and the doctors have recommended that she will undergo surgery.

“We had hoped, for a long time, to avoid surgery, and we have waited as long as possible. She is in great pain now, so surgery is a necessity,” Marianne Hagen, Communication manager at the Royal Court, told NTB.

The royal court announced today that the Crown Princess will have surgery on her neck to remove the herniated disc as well as release some of the pressure on the nerves in the neck. The surgery will take place this week, and the Crown Princess will remain in hospital for a few days after the surgery. The recuperation and rehabilitation period is unknown in length at the moment, and the court states that it is too early to determine if the sick leave will need to expand beyond the current time.

Health stuff

Monday, almost two weeks ago, I wasn’t feeling very well. I assumed it was the beginning of the flu, and went home. I stayed home on Tuesday and Wednesday, and went back to work on Thursday as the flu hadn’t broken out.

Cue: Extreme dizziness and nausea at work when I was standing up or sitting. (It’s really not that fun to wonder if you’re going to make it to the bathroom at work without fainting, I’ve come to realize.)

I went home to Mummy (because I didn’t want to go home and be alone when I was feeling dizzy) and got properly taken care of for the weekend. By the following Monday I was better, but still dizzy and nauseated when walking or sitting.

With an office job, it is especially the latter part that is slightly impossible to live with.

A trip to the doctor’s on that Monday, and it seems like I had a case of Benign positional vertigo. One factor, my doctor thought, that was making it worse for me is that I’m a lightweight in terms of how much I can take before I get motion sickness normally, and so standing up or sitting have resulted in motion sickness.

For the past week now, I have been in a horizontal position as much as possible and it seems to have improved further and I’ll be back at work on Monday. And I can’t wait to start working out again.

Fortunately I have been fine when horizontal, and I’m currently on season 8 of Frasier (started at season 1) and working my way to the end.

It’s very odd how suddenly the body changes a function.