All the thoughts…

  that run, wander and meander through my mind when I lie in bed at night. 

I take a deep breath once I switch the light off, and prepare to fall asleep. 

But then the thoughts get free access to everything. No sensory overload to prevent it. 

All the things I should have done. All the things I want to do. 

Middle of the night thoughts when I am tired but cannot fall asleep.

Acceptance

I am better. I am. I don’t get as fatigued as easily – it takes a lot more to push me to that point now than it did in February. Of course, I am also incredibly tired of the whole thing – and yet I know it is nothing compared to other people.

But I am also better at handling it, I think. I still go out to events that I am invited to – but I may leave earlier when I reach my limit. Just getting out there feels like a huge triumph.

I am also trying to factor in that if I attend big events (lots of people, lots of things happening.) I should not be making plans to do a lot of stuff the day afterwards. It is okay to lie in bed the whole day after I have been social and out and about. And anything beyond that – is a bonus.

A month or two ago, I had a very full week. There was a birthday celebration, a national day celebration, an overnight trip with work, and Eurovision parties. By the time the Friday came around, I was knackered. And a trip to drive to Bergen to a friend’s Eurovision party was deemed too much.

And on the Saturday, I was very low key, yet the Sunday saw me in bed. All day.

I am trying to learn to listen to my body – but not listen too much. Accept that aches and pains are there, and then push it a bit to the side and deal with it later. But at the same time, I feel the need to push a bit.

To do fun things.

To see fun people.

Of course, it also means that when I plan a holiday for later in August, I am trying to factor in *when* will the fatigue hit – when will the depression hit. And the solution is actually at the moment to plan that I will likely end up spending some time in bed during the day while on holiday – and then not fill up the days by set appointments. And book an apartment hotel, so I can buy food for the refrigerator and not *have* to venture out everytime I get hungry – but adapt to the situation.

Accepting it.

Hydrangeas

My grandmother did something incredibly smart. When she received hydrangeas as potted plants for indoors – she would eventually plant them outside. 

It turns out that they thrive in her garden.

And year after year, we are blessed with this sight:  
They’re just starting to bloom. 

And pretty soon – the whole flower bed will be filled with blues and pinks and purples.

Like this: (from a previous year)


 And you end up with the feeling that Norwegian July – no matter how cold – is pretty okay after all.

The chairs

My dining room chairs has got a bit wonky. (Borrowed from my grandmother, who stored them somewhere and had not used them in a while. As evidenced by the fourth chair with paint splatters.)

So, this summer, I made renovating them a project. I used sandpaper to remove the old paint as much as possible. Then I painted a layer of paint – it was called Eggplant.

After a couple of days, the eggplant colour did not catch my eyes. It was dull. And boring. And only had a purple tint when the sun was shining directly on it. (Which in Norway would probably only be in the summer…)

So I went to another paint store and picked up a bucket of Electric Purple.

And painted.

The end result still make me happy almost six months later, so I call this a success.

(Pictures behind the tag)

Continue reading “The chairs”

Nanowrimo and slow-tv

I’m trying to finish my National Novel Writing Month project today (currently at 47388 words).

While I am writing, I am now listening in on the latest in Norwegian slow-television – the Norwegian church’s book of hymns and psalms, sung from cover to cover by Norwegian choirs minute by minute.

I started with the backlog today online (and am therefore skipping the psalms that I am not too keen on). They started singing yesterday and are planning to send for 60 hours from that point, if I recall correctly.

Minute by minute television has really caught on in Norway.